Self-confidence is one’s belief in oneself. It refers to one’s confidence in his actions, beliefs and competencies. Having self-confidence is the key towards a successful and fulfilling life.
Self-talk can be described as that small voice inside one’s head which can either be helpful or detrimental to one’s self-confidence. This inner voice usually critiques, give comments, or praise one’s deeds and actions.
There are different views about self-talk in relation to building self-confidence. Some people may associate self-talk to the obstacles towards attaining true confidence in oneself. This can be true in the cases of people who have no drive to take the pessimism out of their heads. This can later become a vicious cycle where a person is everlastingly trapped in a downward curved of self-esteem refuse.
There is also a school of thought which believes that self-talk is an important tool in developing self-confidence. The inner voice can be seen as a teacher, a mentor, a critique who gives positive comments and a friend. Self-talk has been in a job by successful people in their careers in fields such as sports and show business.
Here are some few helpful tips on how to utilize self-talk towards developing a healthy self-confidence:
1. Listen to your inner voice
This is the first step in making good use of self-talk. recognize the inner voice in you and listen to what it is saying. Ask questions like, regarding the contents of the thoughts, the situations which brought about these thoughts and the other factors which could have aggravated the situation.
Remember that this is to be done under the general goal of building self-confidence, so try to be as honest as possible.
2. Thoughts Assessment
After the thoughts have been identified, it is time to assess them. What are these thoughts saying in general? What attitude towards the self is being projected by these thoughts? How have I responded to these kinds of thoughts in the past? What have these kinds of thoughts instilled in me throughout the years? Have they been helpful to me and my quest towards self-confidence?
Another important thing to assess is the way a person responds to the thoughts that are being said by the inner voice. A person might think that negative thoughts are empowering and that they give the much needed push to attain one’s goals. Negative thoughts and comments can be helpful in the short run; however, they do more damage than good. Negative thoughts instill a general feeling of hopelessness and incompetence, especially if one fails more than once in a certain endeavor. Viewing life in a positive light is the way towards building self-confidence. When a person stumbles down, the inner voice should say “stand up, you can do it!” rather than “you’re pathetic, stay down before you hurt yourself again!”
The general tone of the inner voice is as important as what it is saying. Negative tones should be controlled and be reversed into positive ones.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
Improving Self-Confidence through Eye Contact
Make Eye Contact
It’s a cliché to say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but in more ways than one, they are. The eyes are also the mirrors of self-confidence. A person can simply assess another person’s self-confidence by attractive in eye contact. People with low self-confidence hate making eye contact. They would be likely to look at the ground as if they are looking for a missing coin.
The eyes are the first things which are noticed in the person face and they leave a long-lasting impression to the beholder. It’s fairly normal to hear someone say “I like girls with beautiful eyes,” when he is being asked about his idea of an attention-grabbing face. The eyes can make statements at a glance like no other part of the body can make. Imagine a small film which is entirely composed of a shot of a person face with the eyes slowly torrential out tears.
Even with no words, the eyes can reveal a lot about someone. A person who is trying to hide his unhappiness can never actually pretend to be happy without people noticing it. The eyes can tell stories that are never meant to be told. They can decipher thoughts and insecurities which are engraved in the deepest holes of one’s souls.
The eyes also act as a meter to one’s self-confidence. The eyes play a big role in making relationships, building careers and in portraying sincerity and ability, in general.
Girl in a Collage
Making eye contact can start relationships. For example, if a man finds a likable girl in a Collage, he would look at her when she is not looking, once the girl looks back, the man would try to hold his stare for a few seconds then he would turn away. He would repeat this set of moves for a few times while prolonging his stare after every move.
He would then make his move towards the girl or back away permanently. What happens here? In making eye contact, one can convey interest towards someone else. The man’s stare definitely should get the message across to the girl. Once the move is done, the reactions of the girl are assessed. Making eye contact is a give and receive thing. One must not only convey but he must also listen to the response through his eyes. Holding the right length of eye contact will set the move for introducing oneself. Holding eye contact to long may get someone accused of being a maniac or a freak, while not holding it at all will portray someone as shy person with a low self-esteem and a lot of insecurities.
Job Intervie
ws
Interviews only last a few seconds long because more often than not, the judgment will be made through first impression. Making eye contact with the interviewer will make him see one’s significance in getting the job. A lousy applicant will avoid eye contact because of fear. This is not a very good thing to do because interviews are first and foremost done to test someone’s capability to handle pressure. Interviews are also meant to display someone’s ability to express him or her self and what better way to instantly express one’s personality than through eye contact?
It’s a cliché to say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but in more ways than one, they are. The eyes are also the mirrors of self-confidence. A person can simply assess another person’s self-confidence by attractive in eye contact. People with low self-confidence hate making eye contact. They would be likely to look at the ground as if they are looking for a missing coin.
The eyes are the first things which are noticed in the person face and they leave a long-lasting impression to the beholder. It’s fairly normal to hear someone say “I like girls with beautiful eyes,” when he is being asked about his idea of an attention-grabbing face. The eyes can make statements at a glance like no other part of the body can make. Imagine a small film which is entirely composed of a shot of a person face with the eyes slowly torrential out tears.
Even with no words, the eyes can reveal a lot about someone. A person who is trying to hide his unhappiness can never actually pretend to be happy without people noticing it. The eyes can tell stories that are never meant to be told. They can decipher thoughts and insecurities which are engraved in the deepest holes of one’s souls.
The eyes also act as a meter to one’s self-confidence. The eyes play a big role in making relationships, building careers and in portraying sincerity and ability, in general.
Girl in a Collage
Making eye contact can start relationships. For example, if a man finds a likable girl in a Collage, he would look at her when she is not looking, once the girl looks back, the man would try to hold his stare for a few seconds then he would turn away. He would repeat this set of moves for a few times while prolonging his stare after every move.
He would then make his move towards the girl or back away permanently. What happens here? In making eye contact, one can convey interest towards someone else. The man’s stare definitely should get the message across to the girl. Once the move is done, the reactions of the girl are assessed. Making eye contact is a give and receive thing. One must not only convey but he must also listen to the response through his eyes. Holding the right length of eye contact will set the move for introducing oneself. Holding eye contact to long may get someone accused of being a maniac or a freak, while not holding it at all will portray someone as shy person with a low self-esteem and a lot of insecurities.Job Intervie
wsInterviews only last a few seconds long because more often than not, the judgment will be made through first impression. Making eye contact with the interviewer will make him see one’s significance in getting the job. A lousy applicant will avoid eye contact because of fear. This is not a very good thing to do because interviews are first and foremost done to test someone’s capability to handle pressure. Interviews are also meant to display someone’s ability to express him or her self and what better way to instantly express one’s personality than through eye contact?
Shake Hands to Improve Self-Confidence
Body language portrays a person’s self-confidence. Shaking hands is a large part of a person’s body language. First impressions are based partly on how a person does his handshakes.
Handshakes are traced back into very old Egypt, around 2,800 B.C. During those times, the right hand is the hand which carries weapons. When a person offers a clean, without arms right hand to another person, it is a sign of silence and kindness. Handshakes have endured the test of time and it is still widely accepted as a form of social greeting in our current times.
If someone thinks of it, the gestures of a proper handshake are not difficult to do. They are fairly simple and can be considered as no-brainers. However, as stated above, handshakes are more than easy gestures since they embody the portrait of a person’s self-confidence. Handshakes can go extremely wrong because of nervousness or excitement which can then lead into missed opportunities or moments of awkwardness, to say the least.
There are several well-known forms of handshakes which people should avoid doing. Here are some of the most popular ones:
. Palm Crusher
The palm crusher is a kind of handshake which tends to give pain to the other person’s hand. sure, this is not usually the intention of the initiator of the handshake but is a consequence of over-excitement or anxiousness to make an introduction.
. Sloppy Joe
This kind of hand shake can be described as dead. It depicts lack of interest and genuineness in doing the gesture. It instantly kills the intention and the general purpose of a handshake.
. Hand Sanitizer
A handshake is a “hand sanitizer” handshake if someone: makes minimal contact with the other person’s hand; or if he overtly wipes his hand after the handshake. This kind of handshake is a dreadful one and instead of building connections and acquaintances, it reverses the purpose of handshaking and instills feelings of anger and hatred.
So how is a proper handshake done? Listed below are the simple steps in making a handshake:
1-Approach the person whom you want to shake hands with
2-Make eye contact with him/her
3-Give him/her a warm smile
4-Extend your right hand towards him/her at a comfortable angle
5-When he/she extend his/her hand, grasp it until the webs of the palms meet
5-End the handshake after 3 to 4 seconds
When someone approaches you and offers a handshake, it is a courteous thing to stand up before shaking his hand. If the right hand is disabled or is carrying something which cannot be put down, shake his hand using the left hand. If both hands are occupied, a simple nod and apology can be done.
In a cocktail party, one must grip his drinks with the left hand, making the right hand fairly available throughout the event for introductions. The right hands should always be clean and dry when making handshakes. If a person has sweaty hands, he may opt to put some antiperspirant (no scent, please!) before going to an event. He may also keep a handkerchief in his right pocket so that he may quietly slip his hand in the pocket to wipe it off before engaging in the gesture. Of course, someone can also wipe his hand at the sides of his pants but this should be done in a discreet manner.
Handshakes can be employed in almost all kinds of social gatherings. Come to think of it, there is no social event that is exempted from the handshake. Handshakes are exchanged in business deals, dates, renewing old acquaintances, job interviews, social engagements and even in Church.
There are few instances when initiating a handshake is not the preferred option. In the business world, when someone faces a person of much higher ranking, it is better not to offer a handshake, especially if the person has nothing important to say to the higher ranking official. The other instance is when both of your hands are carrying stuff which you cannot put down at that moment.
A handshake is more than a simple gesture. It is a simple gesture which builds connections and can leave an impression of a person. Practicing good handshaking can take a person to higher levels, in his career and in building relationships.
Handshakes are traced back into very old Egypt, around 2,800 B.C. During those times, the right hand is the hand which carries weapons. When a person offers a clean, without arms right hand to another person, it is a sign of silence and kindness. Handshakes have endured the test of time and it is still widely accepted as a form of social greeting in our current times.
If someone thinks of it, the gestures of a proper handshake are not difficult to do. They are fairly simple and can be considered as no-brainers. However, as stated above, handshakes are more than easy gestures since they embody the portrait of a person’s self-confidence. Handshakes can go extremely wrong because of nervousness or excitement which can then lead into missed opportunities or moments of awkwardness, to say the least.
There are several well-known forms of handshakes which people should avoid doing. Here are some of the most popular ones:
. Palm Crusher
The palm crusher is a kind of handshake which tends to give pain to the other person’s hand. sure, this is not usually the intention of the initiator of the handshake but is a consequence of over-excitement or anxiousness to make an introduction.
. Sloppy Joe
This kind of hand shake can be described as dead. It depicts lack of interest and genuineness in doing the gesture. It instantly kills the intention and the general purpose of a handshake.
. Hand Sanitizer
A handshake is a “hand sanitizer” handshake if someone: makes minimal contact with the other person’s hand; or if he overtly wipes his hand after the handshake. This kind of handshake is a dreadful one and instead of building connections and acquaintances, it reverses the purpose of handshaking and instills feelings of anger and hatred.
So how is a proper handshake done? Listed below are the simple steps in making a handshake:
1-Approach the person whom you want to shake hands with
2-Make eye contact with him/her
3-Give him/her a warm smile
4-Extend your right hand towards him/her at a comfortable angle
5-When he/she extend his/her hand, grasp it until the webs of the palms meet
5-End the handshake after 3 to 4 seconds
When someone approaches you and offers a handshake, it is a courteous thing to stand up before shaking his hand. If the right hand is disabled or is carrying something which cannot be put down, shake his hand using the left hand. If both hands are occupied, a simple nod and apology can be done.
In a cocktail party, one must grip his drinks with the left hand, making the right hand fairly available throughout the event for introductions. The right hands should always be clean and dry when making handshakes. If a person has sweaty hands, he may opt to put some antiperspirant (no scent, please!) before going to an event. He may also keep a handkerchief in his right pocket so that he may quietly slip his hand in the pocket to wipe it off before engaging in the gesture. Of course, someone can also wipe his hand at the sides of his pants but this should be done in a discreet manner.
Handshakes can be employed in almost all kinds of social gatherings. Come to think of it, there is no social event that is exempted from the handshake. Handshakes are exchanged in business deals, dates, renewing old acquaintances, job interviews, social engagements and even in Church.
There are few instances when initiating a handshake is not the preferred option. In the business world, when someone faces a person of much higher ranking, it is better not to offer a handshake, especially if the person has nothing important to say to the higher ranking official. The other instance is when both of your hands are carrying stuff which you cannot put down at that moment.
A handshake is more than a simple gesture. It is a simple gesture which builds connections and can leave an impression of a person. Practicing good handshaking can take a person to higher levels, in his career and in building relationships.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Walking with Confidence
People walk all the time, but the fact is, most people are frightened of walking. People would tend to look at the street rather than put their heads up and look at the people who are walking along with them. Some would stare at big billboards and advertisements, take out their phones from their pockets and make believe to call someone and do other stuff while walking. These are general signs of poor self-confidence and these are all manifested in walking.So, how can one’s self-confidence are portrayed in walking? Self-confidence is one’s own view about himself and his capabilities. Walking is one of the most basic person tasks and usually won’t need a conscious effort, therefore, walking takes the focus off his fancy clothes and equipments and tells a lot about his personality. Walking depicts a person’s ability to carry oneself in any kind of situation.
Walk Faster to Build an Image
Walking faster can improve one’s self-confidence in a variety of ways. It has been found by surveys that people who walk faster are seen as important people. Walking a bit faster would make an impression that one is busy and is involved in significant tasks. It is all about making a self-image for others to see.
When walking faster to communicate a message of self-confidence, one must not overdo it to the extent of panting and looking exasperated. It’s just a matter of carrying a bubbly and comfortable self.
Walk for the Benefits
Leaving a good impression through walking is a whole different thing from getting the actual benefits of walking. picture building can be provisional, but the benefits one gets from walking will last a lifetime.
Studies have shown that walking briskly would equate to burning at least five calories per minute. Another factoid- If one walks a mile, he burns 30% less calories than if he had run. This may look disappointing and may encourage one to run rather than walk but this should be taken in the context of everyday life. People usually complain about having too little time to exercise, that’s why walking to our destinations whenever possible is recommended.
When one exercises habitually, he will eventually feel the benefits of exercising. He would feel more comfortable, his breathing becomes better and his muscles stronger. Exercising also makes the mind stay sharp. Walking, as a form of exercise, involves the whole body coordination and thus, it gives what people might consider as a whole body exercise. Walking also makes the mind stay sharp because through walking, oxygen is delivered more efficiently to the brain, and blood flow is improved. Maybe this is the real reason which would explain why walking faster can boost someone’s self-confidence. More than building an image for other people to see, walking also makes one feel better, thus boosting his confidence.
Walking as a form of exercise not only gives multiple benefits to person’s physical attributes, it also adds to one’s pleasure since exercising would make person release more endorphins which are “happy” hormones.
We’ve discussed the benefits of walking and how it improves one’s self-confidence. Here are some tips on how to properly walk with a goal towards improving self-confidence:
Sway Away
When one is walking, the natural swaying of the arms should not be limited nor improved. Restricting this natural motion will make someone look stiff (if not looking for the nearest comfort room) while swaying too much will look funny.
Mind Your Things
Arrange your hand-carry in such a way that they will allow you to walk comfortably. Carrying too much will cause someone to lose that much needed “snap” in walking.
Walking doesn’t require much effort however; walking with confidence requires practice and devotion. Walking can deliver numerous benefits in different levels to the person especially in terms of self-confidence. Walking tall is being tall amidst all the challenges in one’s life.
Stand Out with Self-Confidence
Body language speaks of a whole lot of things, including a person’s self-confidence. Self-confidence or the lack of it can be manifested in many habits, one of which is through body bearing.
Body bearing is the way one carries himself. It can be a basis for making first impressions which generally dictates the picture of person in the eyes of another. Making good first impressions can be very helpful. Take job interviews for example, most final interviews end within 30 seconds. Of course, the interview itself can take an hour or so, but the decision has been made seconds after the applicant enters the room. He is generally evaluated through his gestures, body language and bearing.
When one stands tall, he portrays an picture of self-confidence. Having a good bearing is a fast and sure way of building a good impression.
So what is a correct bearing? It is a conscious effort to keep the body aligned against the body’s center of importance. It is a bearing where there is musculoskeletal equilibrium. A person with poor bearing can easily be spotted, he’s the one who slouches, with shoulders drooping and head bowed down as if looking for a long-lost coin.
There are many probable causes of poor bearing. There are people who are born with back problems but the other causes of poor posture can already be considered as social norms. Young children are already at risk of developing poor posture as soon as they step into schooling. Day-in and day-out they are forced to bring heavy loads of school items like thick books and notebooks. Adults are also prone to worsening their postures by carrying heavy luggage and briefcases to work. People of almost all ages who spend most of the day in front of a personal computer and/or television are most likely to develop poor posture.
What can one do to be able to fix his posture? He must first remember that just like anything else, having a correct posture requires a conscious effort and dedication. Here are some tips on how to have a correct posture.
At work
-One must utilize an ergonomic chair which fits the back perfectly whenever possible. A good chair will definitely help in posture correction and it will most definitely give the best comfort for a long day’s work.
- Make sure that you are seated with your back against the seat and your knees at your hip level. Your shoulders should be parallel to your hips.
- Do some stretching every once in a while, just make sure your boss is not looking.
Carrying baggage
1.-Unless it’s absolutely necessary, try to leave some of the usual things that you bring during trips to lessen the weight of your baggage.
2-If you’re using a backpack, make sure that you put the heavier items close to your back. This will result into better support and less back aches.
-Make sure that the handles and straps of your bags and backpacks are padded and wide. This will give extra support to your shoulders and back.
-The weight of a backpack should never exceed 15 percent of the person’s weight.
-Use backpacks which have hip straps
Everyday Living
1-Avoid shoes with heels, the shorter the heels of the shoes, the better it is for your posture. Flat shoes are great for a person’s posture since heeled shoes can alter a person’s center of gravity which could result into a worsened body posture.
-Exercise regularly. There is no alternative to stretching and doing some cardio-vascular training every now and then. Exercise will help the body become stronger and build much needed back support.
Sleeping
1-Avoid sleeping on your stomach. Sleep on your back or on your side.
2-If you prefer sleeping on your back, you can opt to put a pillow under your knees to help align your spine. This is also good for blood circulation in the legs.
-If you prefer sleeping on your side, hug a pillow between your legs.
3-Avoid those fluffy, over-sized pillows. They can be the cause of early morning neck pains.
Developing a good posture requires an alteration of the common things that one does everyday. However hard it may seem, it is still worth it, not only does it add up to one’s self confidence, it also a healthy physical practice.
Body bearing is the way one carries himself. It can be a basis for making first impressions which generally dictates the picture of person in the eyes of another. Making good first impressions can be very helpful. Take job interviews for example, most final interviews end within 30 seconds. Of course, the interview itself can take an hour or so, but the decision has been made seconds after the applicant enters the room. He is generally evaluated through his gestures, body language and bearing.
When one stands tall, he portrays an picture of self-confidence. Having a good bearing is a fast and sure way of building a good impression.
So what is a correct bearing? It is a conscious effort to keep the body aligned against the body’s center of importance. It is a bearing where there is musculoskeletal equilibrium. A person with poor bearing can easily be spotted, he’s the one who slouches, with shoulders drooping and head bowed down as if looking for a long-lost coin.
There are many probable causes of poor bearing. There are people who are born with back problems but the other causes of poor posture can already be considered as social norms. Young children are already at risk of developing poor posture as soon as they step into schooling. Day-in and day-out they are forced to bring heavy loads of school items like thick books and notebooks. Adults are also prone to worsening their postures by carrying heavy luggage and briefcases to work. People of almost all ages who spend most of the day in front of a personal computer and/or television are most likely to develop poor posture.
What can one do to be able to fix his posture? He must first remember that just like anything else, having a correct posture requires a conscious effort and dedication. Here are some tips on how to have a correct posture.
At work
-One must utilize an ergonomic chair which fits the back perfectly whenever possible. A good chair will definitely help in posture correction and it will most definitely give the best comfort for a long day’s work.
- Make sure that you are seated with your back against the seat and your knees at your hip level. Your shoulders should be parallel to your hips.
- Do some stretching every once in a while, just make sure your boss is not looking.
Carrying baggage
1.-Unless it’s absolutely necessary, try to leave some of the usual things that you bring during trips to lessen the weight of your baggage.
2-If you’re using a backpack, make sure that you put the heavier items close to your back. This will result into better support and less back aches.
-Make sure that the handles and straps of your bags and backpacks are padded and wide. This will give extra support to your shoulders and back.
-The weight of a backpack should never exceed 15 percent of the person’s weight.
-Use backpacks which have hip straps
Everyday Living
1-Avoid shoes with heels, the shorter the heels of the shoes, the better it is for your posture. Flat shoes are great for a person’s posture since heeled shoes can alter a person’s center of gravity which could result into a worsened body posture.
-Exercise regularly. There is no alternative to stretching and doing some cardio-vascular training every now and then. Exercise will help the body become stronger and build much needed back support.
Sleeping
1-Avoid sleeping on your stomach. Sleep on your back or on your side.
2-If you prefer sleeping on your back, you can opt to put a pillow under your knees to help align your spine. This is also good for blood circulation in the legs.
-If you prefer sleeping on your side, hug a pillow between your legs.
3-Avoid those fluffy, over-sized pillows. They can be the cause of early morning neck pains.
Developing a good posture requires an alteration of the common things that one does everyday. However hard it may seem, it is still worth it, not only does it add up to one’s self confidence, it also a healthy physical practice.
Failure is success in disguise
Juris, a surgeon, was only three years old when he learned that one must fail in order to learn and to strive for more. However, such philosophizing was not known to him then as he was still too young. He only began to realize it as such when confronted with failure in his personal life and career.
His realization came hazily as his memories of such a tender age were faded by time. What he can remember though, is that he was always striving hard to learn how to bike. His mom and dad bought him a bike too big for his age and so he had difficulty in using the pedals.
Juris practiced his biking skills everyday, sometimes falling because he could not even reach the ground. While his bicycle had a handbrake, he could remember using his feet to stop his bike whenever he feels like it. Finally, his frustration has borne fruit because after weeks of daily practice, he has learned to stroll around the neighborhood with his bike.
Such a simple lesson from a child but every adult can learn so much from it. Our society has placed so much emphasis on success that failure has become a dirty and much-avoided word.
Others rely on positive thinking to keep failure at bay. While it helps, it also lulls a person into believing that nothing can go wrong, thus creating a false sense of security.
Failure may be a bitter pill to swallow but everyone must fail at one time in their lives. However, as Juris' experience has taught us, it is not the fact that you have failed that is important but the manner in which you have accepted and risen from such failure.
A person can either allow himself to be thwarted by failure, or he can use such failure to build up his determination to climb more mountains. What is important is that the experience of failing was not for naught, because the person who failed learned something from the experience.
Those who fear failure should know that most successful people have failed one or more times in their lives. But what made the difference is how they learned from the failure and how they used failure to succeed in life. The real failures are those who fail once and then refuse to try anything ever again for fear that they might fail again.
The fear of failure creates anxiety due to the fear of not knowing and not being certain of what will happen next. Most often, this results in a small problem being blown out of proportion. The more a person thinks about the possibility of failing, the more he will jump to conclusions on the possible scenarios. Unknowingly, his fear of failure has made a small problem bigger and more complicated.
A person who fears failure can become too competitive. It forces him to treat every person and every opportunity as a threat. This takes the joy out of doing something that should have been simple and without pressure. Such a person becomes nervous and anxious. The feeling of being pressured to do more and to exceed what is normal forces a person to be erratic and weary.
Fear of failure is normal. How you deal with it can make the difference. The best thing to do when confronted with fear of failure is to take inspiration from the reliable bamboo tree which bends when confronted with a strong wind, to keep itself from breaking, and to rise again when the wind has stopped.
First, a person must accept that he is not a perfect being, in fact nobody is. A person has a right to err and to fail so you have to give yourself another chance and another day to fight your battle.
Always have a support group to lean on when the going gets rough so that you will not feel alone and rejected. Most successful people rely on their families and friends when they are at their lowest point in their life. Others rely on their dreams of making it to the top.
Whatever you do, do not keep the feeling of bitterness inside you because it will just build up and ruin you. Talk about your fear and your frustration because it is the only way to get it out of your system.
Whoever said that failure is success turned inside out must have experienced failure at one or more times in his life. Or else, how would he have known that failure is just success in disguise?
His realization came hazily as his memories of such a tender age were faded by time. What he can remember though, is that he was always striving hard to learn how to bike. His mom and dad bought him a bike too big for his age and so he had difficulty in using the pedals.
Juris practiced his biking skills everyday, sometimes falling because he could not even reach the ground. While his bicycle had a handbrake, he could remember using his feet to stop his bike whenever he feels like it. Finally, his frustration has borne fruit because after weeks of daily practice, he has learned to stroll around the neighborhood with his bike.
Such a simple lesson from a child but every adult can learn so much from it. Our society has placed so much emphasis on success that failure has become a dirty and much-avoided word.
Others rely on positive thinking to keep failure at bay. While it helps, it also lulls a person into believing that nothing can go wrong, thus creating a false sense of security.
Failure may be a bitter pill to swallow but everyone must fail at one time in their lives. However, as Juris' experience has taught us, it is not the fact that you have failed that is important but the manner in which you have accepted and risen from such failure.
A person can either allow himself to be thwarted by failure, or he can use such failure to build up his determination to climb more mountains. What is important is that the experience of failing was not for naught, because the person who failed learned something from the experience.
Those who fear failure should know that most successful people have failed one or more times in their lives. But what made the difference is how they learned from the failure and how they used failure to succeed in life. The real failures are those who fail once and then refuse to try anything ever again for fear that they might fail again.
The fear of failure creates anxiety due to the fear of not knowing and not being certain of what will happen next. Most often, this results in a small problem being blown out of proportion. The more a person thinks about the possibility of failing, the more he will jump to conclusions on the possible scenarios. Unknowingly, his fear of failure has made a small problem bigger and more complicated.
A person who fears failure can become too competitive. It forces him to treat every person and every opportunity as a threat. This takes the joy out of doing something that should have been simple and without pressure. Such a person becomes nervous and anxious. The feeling of being pressured to do more and to exceed what is normal forces a person to be erratic and weary.
Fear of failure is normal. How you deal with it can make the difference. The best thing to do when confronted with fear of failure is to take inspiration from the reliable bamboo tree which bends when confronted with a strong wind, to keep itself from breaking, and to rise again when the wind has stopped.
First, a person must accept that he is not a perfect being, in fact nobody is. A person has a right to err and to fail so you have to give yourself another chance and another day to fight your battle.
Always have a support group to lean on when the going gets rough so that you will not feel alone and rejected. Most successful people rely on their families and friends when they are at their lowest point in their life. Others rely on their dreams of making it to the top.
Whatever you do, do not keep the feeling of bitterness inside you because it will just build up and ruin you. Talk about your fear and your frustration because it is the only way to get it out of your system.
Whoever said that failure is success turned inside out must have experienced failure at one or more times in his life. Or else, how would he have known that failure is just success in disguise?
How to deal with the fear of losing someone
Pooja woke up in a sweat, with the memories of last night's dream still fresh and surreal. She was having those darned nightmares again. But those nightmares could not have been mere nightmares because they were haunting her even at some stage in her waking hours.This one was like all the other dreams where she was running after a familiar member who would later on fall from deep ravine. And in all dreams, she was the one superman who was doing everything to bank the same person from falling. The funny thing is, she could not see his face.
Psychologists would interpret Jennifer's dream as something which speaks of her inner fears in life. One such fear which came out in the open was her fear of losing people near to her, people whom she loves dearly.The fear of losing someone you love is normal for most people. This stems from your fear of being alone in this world and your fear of not being able to bear the thought of being the one who was left behind.Thinking about possibility of losing someone you love is devastating, not to mention hurtful. You may have invested too much of your time and feelings for that person and so just the thought of losing that person would leave you in a state of panic.There are different categories of people with whom a person can have deep affections. The fear of losing any one of these people can be traumatic for a person, especially if he or she has just experienced a heavy loss, like divorce or death of a loved one.
A person can fear losing his spouse, his parents, his children, his relatives, his friends, or any person who is close to his heart.
This fear can be caused or influenced by several factors such as:
(A). Divorce or separation - A person who recently went through divorce or separation proceedings can easily be haunted by separation anxiety due to the stress accompanied by the divorce process. It is not easy for a person to live with a spouse for a period of time and to separate with that person. Divorce proceedings are usually hostile and confrontational so such proceedings will always leave a bad taste in the mouth. In the same manner, a person who is about to undergo a divorce or separation will also be subjected to stress.
(B). Empty nest - A fulltime mother can easily feel depressed when she realizes her children are growing up and are slowly becoming independent. This anxiety stems from the thought that for several years, she was needed by her children and now that they can manage on their own, then she will no longer be needed and useful. A mother who experienced this fear of losing her children should try to immerse herself back into society by finding a business or a useful hobby that will keep her occupied. The feeling of uselessness is natural but you have to find a way to combat this fear by making yourself useful in some other ways. Also, why not look at the situation in another way? Why not accept the fact that you have reared your children so well and that you have prepared them to live their own lives? And now, it is time for them to try to walk alone without mommy's help.
(C). Death in the family - A death in the family or in your circle of friends will always make a person realize how fleeting life can be. This realization will manifest itself into the fear of losing someone you love due to illness or sudden death. Death is inevitable and it would do you good to make time for people you love. If you are already spending enough time with them, then you can always improve the quality of time you spend with your loved ones.
The fear of losing a loved one is always in existence. One can never get away from this fear because there are situations that will make a person think of the possibility of being separated from the people they love. But the possibility of losing someone is one of life's facts and no one can prevent his from happening.
However, one can always soften the blow of being left behind by preparing for such an eventuality.
Psychologists would interpret Jennifer's dream as something which speaks of her inner fears in life. One such fear which came out in the open was her fear of losing people near to her, people whom she loves dearly.The fear of losing someone you love is normal for most people. This stems from your fear of being alone in this world and your fear of not being able to bear the thought of being the one who was left behind.Thinking about possibility of losing someone you love is devastating, not to mention hurtful. You may have invested too much of your time and feelings for that person and so just the thought of losing that person would leave you in a state of panic.There are different categories of people with whom a person can have deep affections. The fear of losing any one of these people can be traumatic for a person, especially if he or she has just experienced a heavy loss, like divorce or death of a loved one.
A person can fear losing his spouse, his parents, his children, his relatives, his friends, or any person who is close to his heart.
This fear can be caused or influenced by several factors such as:
(A). Divorce or separation - A person who recently went through divorce or separation proceedings can easily be haunted by separation anxiety due to the stress accompanied by the divorce process. It is not easy for a person to live with a spouse for a period of time and to separate with that person. Divorce proceedings are usually hostile and confrontational so such proceedings will always leave a bad taste in the mouth. In the same manner, a person who is about to undergo a divorce or separation will also be subjected to stress.
(B). Empty nest - A fulltime mother can easily feel depressed when she realizes her children are growing up and are slowly becoming independent. This anxiety stems from the thought that for several years, she was needed by her children and now that they can manage on their own, then she will no longer be needed and useful. A mother who experienced this fear of losing her children should try to immerse herself back into society by finding a business or a useful hobby that will keep her occupied. The feeling of uselessness is natural but you have to find a way to combat this fear by making yourself useful in some other ways. Also, why not look at the situation in another way? Why not accept the fact that you have reared your children so well and that you have prepared them to live their own lives? And now, it is time for them to try to walk alone without mommy's help.
(C). Death in the family - A death in the family or in your circle of friends will always make a person realize how fleeting life can be. This realization will manifest itself into the fear of losing someone you love due to illness or sudden death. Death is inevitable and it would do you good to make time for people you love. If you are already spending enough time with them, then you can always improve the quality of time you spend with your loved ones.
The fear of losing a loved one is always in existence. One can never get away from this fear because there are situations that will make a person think of the possibility of being separated from the people they love. But the possibility of losing someone is one of life's facts and no one can prevent his from happening.
However, one can always soften the blow of being left behind by preparing for such an eventuality.
Friday, April 27, 2007
What are the natural enemies of self confidence?
Fear: The Natural Enemy of Self Confidence
Self-Confidence is normally described as capability of an individual to have faith and believe in his abilities. According to psychiatrists when one has self-confidence it in general results in having big self-esteem.Self-esteem is defined as (worth) that one can place on himself. It is his measurement of his own value as a person, in Agreement to his/her behavior.
In addition, it is referred to as the respect and adoration in which one holds himself based on ones belief of what and who he is as human being. This greatly affects one’s feelings about himself, about his life, about his relationships, and eventually determines his actions or how he accomplishes things.The progress and growth of self-confidence correctly starts with self examination. The mind should be thoroughly inspected so that detrimental inclinations are checked, weaknesses are eliminated, and a right pattern of thought and behavior are
established firmly.
According to studies fear is man's enemy hindering self confidence. These studies stressed clearly that fear thought is an illness that can be detected and identified. It largely arises from corrupt mental pattern, wherein the mind is allowed consistently to dwell on doubtful thoughts, inefficiency and failure. This power will become great, when freely allowed, affecting your life to a less or greater degree in virtually every undertaking.
Ignorance is basic and prime cause of fear, that when one is not aware of his true nature. A study showed that when one was convinced or has encountered his indestructible infinite “soul-nature”, then one would never feel fear. However, there are those who cannot or do not accept this, thus they feel separate, vulnerable, susceptible and isolated.
Fear of one’s self is demonstrated in several ways. You can experience shyness, diffidence, bashfulness, timidity and a need of “self-confidence”.
Here are some factors that contribute to one’s fear:
. When we feel separated, fear increases. A fact is that one does not fear those he is familiar with (people and
surroundings). Fear arises when there is a certain feeling of estrangement, which exhibits overall sense or impression of Suspicion.
. Attachment to individuals as well as material things associated with one’s security cause one to fear that one might loose them, so one will do everything in order to protect one’s relationships, possessions or his self-image.
. Strange surroundings and unfamiliar people bring about fear. Unfamiliar situations threat one’s security and usually one reacts with extreme caution and at times, defensive behavior.
. One’s negative memory of past experiences where one had either suffered or witnessed loss, harm or death aggravates fear. The subconscious retains memories of the past and at certain circumstances, these are ignited.
. Imagination at times can create or invent images of trouble, suffering or pain outside physical truth or reality. Note that Imagination is never negative, however when misused and abused, it can bring so much fear in oneself.
Combat fear by developing self-confidence. Here are few guidelines:
. Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what it is that you are capable of achieving and praise yourself for your strength and your struggle than focusing on the results. Beginning on a foundation of things that you are capable rather than what should you be doing will help you live and work within your limitations.
. Talk to yourself. Examine yourself and practice how to handle situations as well as counter negative ones. Know when to stop when you catch yourself in a negative assumption.
For instance, when you find yourself demanding perfection, tell yourself that everything can not result perfectly. This will allow you to believe in yourself at the same time that you are striving to get better.
. Evaluate yourself. Practice how to independently evaluate yourself. This will let you avoid the persistent sense of confusion that results when you are relying completely on the opinions and judgment of others.
. Take those risks. When you face and accept experiences as instruments for learning than possibilities to lose or win, new opportunities can be unlocked and this can develop your self awareness and acceptance.
Remember, self-confidence can be developed, not inherited; and fear can be overcome because you have the trust and the faith
in yourself to do so.
Self-Confidence is normally described as capability of an individual to have faith and believe in his abilities. According to psychiatrists when one has self-confidence it in general results in having big self-esteem.Self-esteem is defined as (worth) that one can place on himself. It is his measurement of his own value as a person, in Agreement to his/her behavior.
In addition, it is referred to as the respect and adoration in which one holds himself based on ones belief of what and who he is as human being. This greatly affects one’s feelings about himself, about his life, about his relationships, and eventually determines his actions or how he accomplishes things.The progress and growth of self-confidence correctly starts with self examination. The mind should be thoroughly inspected so that detrimental inclinations are checked, weaknesses are eliminated, and a right pattern of thought and behavior are
established firmly.
According to studies fear is man's enemy hindering self confidence. These studies stressed clearly that fear thought is an illness that can be detected and identified. It largely arises from corrupt mental pattern, wherein the mind is allowed consistently to dwell on doubtful thoughts, inefficiency and failure. This power will become great, when freely allowed, affecting your life to a less or greater degree in virtually every undertaking.
Ignorance is basic and prime cause of fear, that when one is not aware of his true nature. A study showed that when one was convinced or has encountered his indestructible infinite “soul-nature”, then one would never feel fear. However, there are those who cannot or do not accept this, thus they feel separate, vulnerable, susceptible and isolated.
Fear of one’s self is demonstrated in several ways. You can experience shyness, diffidence, bashfulness, timidity and a need of “self-confidence”.
Here are some factors that contribute to one’s fear:
. When we feel separated, fear increases. A fact is that one does not fear those he is familiar with (people and
surroundings). Fear arises when there is a certain feeling of estrangement, which exhibits overall sense or impression of Suspicion.
. Attachment to individuals as well as material things associated with one’s security cause one to fear that one might loose them, so one will do everything in order to protect one’s relationships, possessions or his self-image.
. Strange surroundings and unfamiliar people bring about fear. Unfamiliar situations threat one’s security and usually one reacts with extreme caution and at times, defensive behavior.
. One’s negative memory of past experiences where one had either suffered or witnessed loss, harm or death aggravates fear. The subconscious retains memories of the past and at certain circumstances, these are ignited.
. Imagination at times can create or invent images of trouble, suffering or pain outside physical truth or reality. Note that Imagination is never negative, however when misused and abused, it can bring so much fear in oneself.
Combat fear by developing self-confidence. Here are few guidelines:
. Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what it is that you are capable of achieving and praise yourself for your strength and your struggle than focusing on the results. Beginning on a foundation of things that you are capable rather than what should you be doing will help you live and work within your limitations.
. Talk to yourself. Examine yourself and practice how to handle situations as well as counter negative ones. Know when to stop when you catch yourself in a negative assumption.
For instance, when you find yourself demanding perfection, tell yourself that everything can not result perfectly. This will allow you to believe in yourself at the same time that you are striving to get better.
. Evaluate yourself. Practice how to independently evaluate yourself. This will let you avoid the persistent sense of confusion that results when you are relying completely on the opinions and judgment of others.
. Take those risks. When you face and accept experiences as instruments for learning than possibilities to lose or win, new opportunities can be unlocked and this can develop your self awareness and acceptance.
Remember, self-confidence can be developed, not inherited; and fear can be overcome because you have the trust and the faith
in yourself to do so.
Friday, April 20, 2007
How to Improve Self-Confidence
Today is one of those days when your group has to make presentation to client. This is an important occasion because it is an opportunity to get your boss' attention. It could mean a raise or a promotion if you could just muster the courage to stand there in front of these people and present your proposal. The problem is, your shyness gets the better of you, and you are relegated to the background.
You sat there mesmerized, as your colleague Elena made a winning presentation of your proposal. She stood there, dressed in a simple gray suit that spelled confidence! "Why can't I gather enough courage to present my work to these people when I know this project like the back of my hand," you ask yourself.
Self confidence. This is what you lack, and this is what your colleague Elena has. But what is self confidence? Is it the ability to speak in a loud voice so you can get people's attention? Is it about power dressing?
Self confidence is an attitude that is characterized by a positive belief that one can take control of one's life and of one's plans.
People who are self confident are those who acknowledge their capacity to do something and then proceed to do these things. They do not rely on the approval of other people in order to affirm their existence. It is enough that they know they have the capacity and the potential to do something, and the guts to do it no matter what others may say. People who are self confident take advantage of the opportunities that comes their way.
Factors in gaining self confidence
While the process of attaining self confidence starts from childhood, an adult can still gain self confidence through his determination and through the support of his family and friends.
Parental support and acceptance
People begin to develop confidence while growing up. The role of parents in instilling self confidence in their children is very important. Parents who are always critical of their children without acknowledging the latter's strengths unknowingly dampen the development of their self confidence.
On the other hand, parents who are always willing to give support while encouraging their children to take a step forward will most likely rear self confident children. Parents who make their children feel loved and accepted despite their imperfections will most likely encourage self confidence.
Lack of self confidence is not proportional to a person's abilities. In fact, there are people who are extremely talented and able but they lack self confidence to show these abilities.
If you are wanting in self confidence, then you must continuously do things that will help you gain confidence.
Identify your strengths and weaknesses and capitalize on that. Make full use of your strength and gather positive points. This will help you gain self confidence. Do not expect everything to be perfect because you are bound to do something wrong along the way. Nobody is perfect and everyone is culpable of making mistakes.
Acknowledge your abilities and talent and take stock of them. Do not under estimate yourself. Try to recognize every little thing you have done which has become successful. Try to learn a new skill, and try to learn new things as this will make you a better person.
Look for things that make you feel good about yourself. It can be photos of past achievements like when you won a race or won a debate; it can be a poem you wrote which was published in a book. Concentrate on things that you have achieved and take it from there. This will give you more confidence to do other things in life.
Developing self confidence is not easy especially if you do not think highly of yourself. If you want to be self confident, avoid things that will discourage you from gaining confidence. Do not dwell on past mistakes or failures because it will make you feel insignificant. Being a defeatist will not give your confidence a boost.
Better yet, concentrate on the positive things that you have done and accomplished and make them your inspiration. In time, you will have more faith in yourself, and hopefully, more confidence.
In the upcoming chapter we will narrow our focus, look at the specifics and come up with definitive ideas and suggestions that you can put to work in your life to achieve increased confidence in all you do.
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